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she's got her halo and wings
hidden under his eyes
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13th-Jan-2010 10:05 pm - TEST
18th-Jul-2009 06:07 pm - te lo agradezco pero no for kara
come closer, 'cause maybe
you didn't realize that my
love won't last forever
because there are nights
where it turns off when you're sleeping

tell your heart that there will be no
sources for pain
don't say that I don't think about you
I don't do anything else but think

come closer just a bit more
don't be afraid of the truth

and when the morning arrives and the sun comes out
you'll come back to my side, and then I won't
and now go, go, go, go
go and have a good time
for the two of us, no baby

i appreciate it, but no
look little girl, i appreciate it, but no

i appreciate it love, but no, you know very well why

come a little closer, can't you tell
time for us is running up
free your chained up feelings
if you don't do it, too bad for you

because at the end if you don't see it
it's possible you won't hear me
but I would say

that oh, when the sun rises and the morning arrvies
I will be back at your side with more desre
and now

go, go, go go
go away and have a good time
for the two of us

I appreciate it but no
look, little girl, I appreciate it but no
i already succeded in leaving you
i don't do anything other than forget you

I know well the damage that I did to you
but at the same time I don't feel responsible
of what you could have...
thought was courage, was nothing more than fear

I appreciate it but no
look, little girl, I appreciate it but no
i already succeded in leaving you
i don't do anything other than forget you

I appreciate it but no
look, little girl, I appreciate it but no
i already succeded in leaving you
i don't do anything other than forget you
18th-Jul-2009 04:31 pm - translation of cada que for kara
this song is literally me, so I gotta translate it


I feel that, from the very moment I first saw
you I knew that you would never be for me
that maybe meeting you was my mistake
or perhaps, love was wrong

and every time i think of you, my heart
goes on fire
and nothing is sadder than today,
talking about you

I feel like you cut my breath
every time you step just a little bit closer to me
that maybe meeting you was my mistake
or perhaps, love was wrong

and every time i think of you, my heart
goes on fire
and nothing is sadder than today,
talking about you

but this story has to have an end
In all honesty i really don't get this
this situation doesn't make any sense
because this is just to illogical

and then it goes back to the and every time time for the
rest of the song

and yea! that's my song <3
17th-Jul-2009 11:01 pm(no subject)


Chapter 1


1.       Nate

Every little detail of that night I can still remember, even after all these years. Whether I want to or not, I don’t think I’ll ever be sure. But the color of her dress, that dusty blue that matched her eyes, the way she laughed and smiled at everything like she actually wanted to be there, the way she’d let her eyes wander in my direction and the sad smile that would spread over her face from across the room as our eyes would meet; I could still remember them all. Any other night that week is a blur, but my mind knew it had to save it somehow. My mind knew that one day I would tell the story of a boy who liked a girl, a girl who had too much pride, a boy who tried to move on, and a girl who finally told the truth too late. It knew that someday, those little memories would be important. That there was no forgetting, not as long as I lived. I was fourteen that night, but I think the world began and ended that one night when the most important thing in my life less than a few months from then had left without even saying a word.

And I, unlike him, would not look back.Collapse )
Lets start this off in a happy note before I get to the darker things that have been lingering in my mind for a while.
I've been thinking, and I pretty sure I know exactly what I want to be now. I want to be a director. I know, I know, it's
a big dream, hence why I put childish dreams, but hey, I honestly to want to be a director. And not just any director,
but one that's really involved in their film and also writes it. So it's kinda like a director/screenplay writer. Yea, yea,
I know, I'm crazy. But I don't care what people have to say, I honestly know that I'm not a person that would be happy,
being unknown, and I'm not someone that wants to be known. I want to be someone that's known amongst the people
I want to be known by, I want to be important, but not everywhere. I don't know how to explain it, but I just know that
I've got so much pent up inside of me that I really want everyone to know, and I can't think of any other way to do it
than by movies. All my life I've been obsessed with movies, but up until recently that obsession hasn't been this crazy.
I notice things in movies that normal people don't, and I will critique every little thing. So, yea, I think I've finally chosen.
No more wanting to be a fashion designer, or a graphic designer, I want to be a director.

Now to move onto sadder things, not sad like, "omg, I'm so sorry" more like, just your typical cynical depressing things
that pass through your head on a day to day basis. Only I'm pretty sure that most people don't think of this every day, but
well, I get this a lot, especially when things like this happen. 

Is it normal to feel unhuman? I feel like I can't relate to people anymore, like I'm a brick wall and I watch terrible things
happen to people and don't know what to say. I've never been one to comfort people, but now I feel even more useless.
I don't know what to say, I don't have anything to say, and when I do I don't know how to say it. I feel like my world could
fall apart and I would do nothing. I want to become human. I want to stop simply observing things and running away
when things get hard. I want to be able to talk to people and help them, even if I do hate things like feelings. I just don't
want to be one of those people that people ignore and don't talk to unless they need one thing. Even if it is to early for
new year resolutions, I'm making mine right now: I want to be more human.

on a side note, I'm really happy for her. I'm so glad that she's found someone who's nice and cares about her, and
I'm really really want her to be happy. but still when I heard the news, well, the confirmed news, I couldn't help but
cry. not from sadness though, never from sadness. it was more from a mixture of happiness and....I don't know,
but do you ever get the feeling that when something ends, a little part of you dies? I think I was crying for the loss
of that part of me and that it's over. but I'm glad it happened. we had our troubles, our ups and downs, but i'm so
glad it happened. and I want to be there for her for as long as I can and be her friend forever. god, I'm about to
cry again but I have to hold it in 'cause my sister is here XD

when did I become so emotional? XD
11th-Jul-2009 11:25 pm(no subject)
I’ll start this broken heart
I’ll fix it up so it will work again
Better than before
Then I’ll star in a mystery
A tragic tale of all that’s yet to come
Fingers crossed there will be love

But I get carried away with every day
And every fantasy
The deeper the wound,
The harder I swoon and wish that that was me
There's so much to say
But no words to convey
The loneliness building with each passing day
But I’m getting used to it
You have to get used to it

I’ll devise the best disguise
A brand new look and take them by surprise
They’ll never guess what’s not inside
I’ll express myself with ease,
With confidence and character complete
With fingers crossed, they’ll talk to me

But I get carried away with every page
In every magazine
The cheaper the thrill,
the deeper I fill my head with blasphemy
There's so much to say
But no words to convey
The loneliness building with each passing day
But I’m getting used to it
You have to get used to it

I’ll destroy this useless heart
I’ll fuck it up so it’ll never beat again
Not just for me but for anyone

But I get carried away
With every phrase and made up malady
The longer I hide behind these lies,
The more I disintegrate
There's so much to say
But no words to convey
The loneliness building with each passing day
You never get used to it
You just have to live with it

basically, this is the only song that like, describes exactly what I've been feeling for the past
few weeks/days. this one, and a few other motion city soundtrack songs XD

23rd-Jun-2009 11:51 pm - I don't want to be forgotten
paper birds
idk what this will be about, since I have nothing special to say. but I just wanted to say something.

today my best friend asked me if I ever got the feeling I had lost relevance, and of course I told him yes. how can  I not have
felt that before, being human and feeling things? truth is, everyday I feel more irrelevant, but some days more than others.
I didn't feel  irrelevant today until a few minutes ago, for reasons I'd rather no talk about right now or probably ever because
I'm sure whoever(if anyone does) reads this will get angry at me. I just feel like I'm slipping away, like I'm watching the world
move on around me and no one is there to care or even notice. still, I can't say it's their fault. I'm not one to tell people this, or
even mention it. but there's still always that lingering feeling that one day, maybe not to far from now, I'll disappear, and
everything that I was will become dust, a remnant of a shining past that glimmers like a beacon of hope for someone who's
already slipped beyond it. I don't know, maybe I'm writing this to string words together and feel known, but what sense does
that make? sometimes I wonder if anything makes sense anymore. all I know is that everywhere I look, people are leaving,
people are forgetting. people who I love and care for dearly, people who I would easily die for are just slipping away from me
and I can't stop but hold the last little embers of their dimming fires. I don't want to be forgotten. I don't want to become a nobody
I don't want to become someone who blossomed and finished half way.

I might be nice, I might be cold, I might not say what I always feel and I might seem happy or stressed or whatever all the time,
but everyone out there, I just want you to know. no matter what I do or say, I love you all. and even if you walk away without realizing,
I will remember you forever. because every word you say has helped me become who I am, and I am grateful for every moment.
I can only dream of ever meaning that much to any of you. <3
no shit
soo, I just spent a good five minutes taking off probably a hundred dollars worth of mac and some other cosmetic/skin care line called philosophy products off of my face. no, I don't usually wear that much make up...at all, but today I did because I had to go to some girl in my grades party that just happened to be at Nordstrom. anyway, as I was washing my face with some like, peach & tree bark burts and bee's wash my sister's forcing me to use for some stupid reason, I was like, I've had one hell of a day, why don't I write about it?! and also, apparently I'm starting a trend to just like, write on my lj at 11 every night? XD i don't know, but anyway, we've gotta get to my story XD

first, I went to sleep at like 4 last night doing I don't even remember what, and completely forgot that my mom was going to be waking me up at 9. I mean, I'm usually really good for waking up, but since I wasn't exactly feeling all that awesome yesterday, I was really fucking tired, and the fact that I got to sleep 5 hours didn't help me at all. When I finally woke up after sleeping on the couch because I had to make it seem like I was out of bed at least, I noticed that, oh, look, on the back of my rice crispies it tells you what the Star Trek beam up thingy I got is from. They had like, Starfleet Command, Starfleet Science, Starfleet Engineering, Romulan Empire, and then Klingon Empire. They're all like, really pretty and shit, except for the Klingon one....yea...guess which one I GOT?! THAT pissed me off!XD I mean,
not only am I part of the federations major foes, but like, why is the fucking Romulan one prettier?!! XD I should've seen this as the prelude of a kinda off day XD

so then after being forced to change out of my really cute shorts, we finally got to the party, which was at Nordstrom, which I already said so why am I repeating myself? (idk, maybe you guys forgot or something?) Yea, so I get there and there are my "friends" I guess you can call them, and like, fuck....why are kids these days getting so tall?! like, I used to only be A BIT shorter than this one girl Hope....nah, she got taller over a month...wtf?! and then Sara, the b-day girl, got taller too...and Jodi's always been like, super tall, so it was like "aww, isn't she soooo cute!" and like, I'm the oldest one in the group, so it's like ">.<" anyway, yea, so we get to the place where we're getting our "makeovers" as Sara's calling them(which I think is pretty rude...js, I mean...do we need them?!XD) anyway, so these ladies start talking to us about their makeup and creams and facial shit, and I'm just like, having fun playing with the pen the gave me to fill out some things with. because lets face it, I don't really like talking to people and these girls are no exception. Sara is stuck up, Hope is a sweet heart, but is way to shy, Jodi's just stupid, and then the other three girls I don't talk to enough to really talk to XD sooo, I spent half the makeover time like, talking to the makeup lady who was from Venezuela, since like, idk, it's cool that we're from the same continent? XD when we were finally done with our makeup, I had fucking purple eye shadow and super heavy eyeliner and looked ridiculous. Oh, and the lady thought my eyes were green...they're blue! XD

anyway, we went to eat at the bistro, where EVERYTHING cost above $9 and had meat! YAY FOR THE POOR VEGETARIAN! oh, but then i found out Sara's mom was paying for the food and was like "THANK GOD!" but still, I had to get a cheese pizza 'cause there was nothing else. A cheese pizza that was really hard to fucking cut, if I do say so myself. like, everyone else was cutting their food normally, but my pizza wasn't cutting! typical, they give me the bad knife XD after that, since nothing happened that was funny there, they gave us the gift cards, for yes, $20, which is just about enough to buy half a bottle of nail polish at Nordstrom! thankyou so much Sara's mom, you're awesome. no, but like, I did find something, like, this cute shirt that was $14 and I wanted these sunglasses, but they were too much. anyway, the fun starts when the girls go down to the shoes and purses. Now, I go to a pretty rich kid school (I'm not rich, I have a scholarship), and like, it's not cool being around a bunch of spoiled 14 year olds with their parents money. I felt like I was in Gossip Girl, with these girls being like "Luis Vuitton or Gucci purse, they're both only $800?" and I'm like "oh, wow, this scarf is $14....thats a lot." yea, that was annoying. but like, eh, I got over it. Oh, so anyway, we finished shopping and everyone else left, and since Hope had extra money on her card, she bought me the sunglasses (I told you she was a sweetheart) and now like, I have awesome neon orange sunglasses! Hope's the bestest XD anyway, this is all irrelevant. The funny/oh...wow, stay inside you bringer of bad luck part starts when I meet up with my sisters in the shoe section, and we call our dad and tell him we'll go to Dadeland so he can pick us up there.

now, Dadeland is about....15 minutes by car if there's no traffic from Merrick Park, where we currently are. Now, even though my sisters are BOTH over 18, they don't drive and have no car, so we have no way of getting there....unless we take the metro or the bus. The bus in Miami sucks, so we decide on the Metro. Both my sisters stomachs hurt, and like, that's typical, so I didn't pay attention. We walk to the nearest metro station, in like, 90 degree weather, which was like, 5 minutes away(thank god) and like, pay 6 dollars to get in and go up to the platform. on the way there, one of my sisters goes "I can't see". This sister though, is KNOWN for making up illnesses, so neither of us worried that much. I mean, she looked pale and was sweating, but we're all naturally pale and it was really hot, so none of us thought much about it. I mean, I stood behind her in case she fell on the escalator, but I was sure she was gonna get better once we got to Dadeland. We wait for like, five minutes in the platform, and she starts like, dripping sweat, and like, we ask these Cuban ladies for Advil, but they had none. They offer us help, but like, we're like,"we'll just take her to the bathroom" miami metro stations are dirty as fuck already, and like, their bathrooms are even worse. still, she stays in there until we think the metro starts coming, and like, the door gets stuck, and so she starts freaking out, in which I have to like, kick open the door and like, try to make her run up to catch a metro that apparently doesn't arrive for another minute. Still, get get up there.

now...things from now might get pretty nasty, just a warning, if you wanna skip, go ahead.

sooo, we're waiting, and I see her start going for the trash can, and being no stranger to throwing up, I knew it was coming. she figures the trash can is to small, since it's got this stupid cover thing on it, and heads for the tracks...and vomits a bit. then...she walks back, we wipe her off with receipts 'cause thats all we had, and then...a second later...she vomits again...only a lot more. ugh, everyone was looking at her like she was nasty and I wanted to kick them. My sister's not a very strong person, like, everything will hurt her, so it's like "DON'T JUDGE HER ASSHOLES!" so yea, we go downstairs to the bathroom, call our dad to pick us up, get freaked out by this dude who needs to use the bathroom and looks like he's about to die, and then get picked up.

sooo...what was the point of this? idk...just that I shouldn't go outside? people wonder why I stay indoors on my laptop and watch movies. well, it's 'cause when I go outside, some shit like this happens XD yes, I mean it XD haha, yea,I find out I'm a foe of the federation, I get attacked by pretentious rich people in Nordstrom and feel like a poor girl who has no place among high society,end up having people buy me sunglasses because I'm to poor to afford them, end up nursing my sick sister at a nasty Metro Station whilst fending off creepy bums, and then end up smelling like what burts bee's calls peach and some tree bark because the lady at mac couldn't stop saying purple would make my apparent "green" eyes look good. The point is: A. Why couldn't I have gotten like....Starfleet Engineering or something? B. Why must rich people at Nordstrom always give you that same fucking look. C. Why don't I ever bring money with me?('cause you don't have any stupid!) D. why does only my sister get sick while trying to do something as simple as going on a metro? E. MY EYES ARE FUCKING BLUE! XD

and that was my day ^^

(oh, and ontop of that, when I was buying the gift card for Sara, the fucking register broke and it took them 20 minutes to realize that oh yea, we can always just use ANOTHER FUCKING REGISTER! XD)

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